In the Shadow of Your Heart
by okh-eshivar
Summary: Song: Cosmic Love by Florence and The Machine/ Pairing: Mystique/ Destiny  I can only wander in the darkness you'd left behind you. I've made too many mistakes now, yet still I cannot find the path on which you led me before. How could you leave me alone?


_**PLEASE READ! **_

_**A/N: Honestly, I think Mystique is one of the most tragic characters in the X universe, especially in terms of her relationship with Irene. Her death tore Raven in two, drove her to insanity, and left her completely alone. And it seems like everything she does, even now, is to honor the mission they had shared during their relationship. **_

_**What's so tragic is that Raven is so blinded by her need to preserve her kind and her promises to Irene that she appears as a selfish villain. I feel like she always wants to do the right thing, especially for her children and those she care for, but due to her instability and her intense nature, she comes across differently to most. **_

_**Anyway, please enjoy. There are no names, so the one speaking is Raven. And of course I love reviews ;3**_

_**Song: Cosmic Love by Florence and the Machine (anyone who hasn't heard this song, I strongly recommend it. It's so epic and beautiful…)**_

_**Pairing: Mystique/ Destiny (Raven/ Irene)**_

_A falling star fell from your heart  
And landed in my eyes  
I screamed aloud, as it tore through them  
And now it's left me blind_

I followed you. Always. Years and years went by, to no avail, to no gain nor victory, but still I stood firmly by your side. You led me into a darkness in which you were my only guide, you were the only one who knew which way the path pointed. But now you're gone.

And I am lost.

_The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out  
You left me in the dark  
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight  
In the shadow of your heart_

No matter how hard I try, no matter which direction I take, I cannot find my way again. Our way again. I stumble, fall, rise and search once more, search for that path you had followed once.

But it's just all black. And I am beginning to believe…that you took the path with you when you left.

Too many mistakes I've made, too many wrong turns and dead ends. Too many rules I've broken, just to try to find you again. My mind has faded to a hazy photograph now, hardly lucid, hardly coherent. Your memory is all that I can still decode.

And it drives me insane.

_And in the dark,_

_I can hear your heartbeat  
I tried to find the sound  
But then it stopped _

_And I was in the darkness  
So darkness I became_

You left me with no choice. I couldn't turn back, couldn't return to the place where it had all began. So I move forward, deeper into the blackness, deeper into the abyss. I can feel you there, feel the silk of your voice and the warmth of your guidance. In those depths you become almost tangible, almost existent, almost alive.

I left my mind behind, I left it in your cold, lifeless fingers. I carry only your memory still, the only small chunk of me that still makes sense.

Your death haunts me, pushes me farther in, whispers sweet lies and sweet nothings. Nothing.

It's nothing.

It was always nothing.

_The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out  
You left me in the dark  
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight  
In the shadow of your heart_

Some days I hate you. I hate you for ensnaring me in this inescapable puzzle, for beckoning me forward when you knew I would never be able to go back. For leaving me in this oblivion so abruptly. For the efforts wasted, the time lost and the tears shed. For the loneliness. For the misery. For the mistakes.

But then I remember the promises I had made, the love I had poured out and the heart I had sworn to you.

And then I hate myself, too.

_I took the stars from my eyes _

_and then I made a map_

_And knew that somehow_

_I could find my way back_

Sometimes I wonder if I could forget someday. If everything you had ever told me, if every word and phrase and smile and laugh could just…vanish.

Maybe then I could find my way back. Maybe I could be redeemed, maybe I could leave all of this, all of you, behind forever. Maybe I could never look back, never wonder why, never regret again.

Forgive.

Forget.

And live again. breathe again. Maybe I could learn how to see again.

Maybe I could find a way out of the darkness.

_Then I heard your heart beating,_

_You were in the darkness too  
So I stayed in the darkness with you_

…But I am weak, and I am afraid. I cannot leave your memory behind, because I want desperately to believe that you will return to me one day, that I will hear your voice again, that I will feel your touch again. I need you, your guidance and your love.

So I will stay in the darkness with you, my love.

Even if that means I must wander the darkness alone.

_The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out  
You left me in the dark  
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight  
In the shadow of your heart_


End file.
